Grown Ass Man

to err is human, and we all have made mistakes and fallen short of the glory of our full worth and potential.

i moreso than most, and for a long time ive dealt with my personal setbacks with actions that only intensified my shortcomings, blurred the lines of my moral compass, and drowned out the voice of my true consciousness.

the results? short lived pleasures: drunken conversations with temporary acquaintenances, a budget blown on frivilous expressions of spontanaeity, uneventful moments of chaos masked by a momentary good time.

ive alienated friends, hurt family members, and damaged relationships with people that didnt warrant or deserve the consequences of my selfish and short-sighted ways.

no more.

im humble enough to reflect and realize the cost of my actions.
im honest enough to fully hold myself accountable for my past and understand what i have to change to reclaim the future.
im real enough to admit that ive aspired towards reforming my approach to life many times before, and have always settled for short-lived periods of focus only to fall back into the same comfort zone, the same loop with the same shit in the same toilet.

as i get closer to celebrating another year on this earth, im starting to feel the weight of living life operating with the arrogance of youth. tomorrow is not promised, and by living for the day for so long ive lost sight of the fact that every moment of my existence speaks toward my legacy.

i want to do more than live life one day (or one drink, one regret, one outburst, one missed opportunity, etc.) at a time.

i need to live for what i want my life to be.
for what i want my daughter's life to be.
for what i want my wife's life to be.

its time to live...not for the moment or the thrill or the rush, but to celebrate the gift of life that God keeps giving to me daily.

ive been dead for too long now: scavenging on the spoils of unfruitful endeavors due to a desire for what i thought defined life.

time to breathe new life into what used to be a dead man walking.

rise Lazarus rise,

O