The Power of Being Wrong

There is absolutely nothing with saying, being, or living the fact, that you're wrong. But, there is something absolutely wrong with not admitting you are, in any context. I'm more guilty of the latter, until now. No it's not the impending rebirth of Christ, or spiritual growth during my commitment to Ramadan this year (Omar Sharif, the Christian, I tried). No it's more so, the idea that we all have chapters in our lives, and i felt life fold the page on me. And not in a fuck-you way, more like fuck-me way (no-diddy) that culminated in thought. Have you really tried to be you? You can play old (and i mean old, HS shit) music....or can you not be afraid to grow? The growth is de-aging in and of itself, because you get back to old patterns, old approaches, and at times old ways of looking at a younger self. That is a gift. It's not a mirror, it's a time machine, because (dementia aside - discord joke) you can remember yourself at a certain age by the creativity you displayed. Art is, in and of itself, a representation of a moment in time....be it recorded, painted, or filmed...I digress. All to the say this, sometimes we were wrong in our art. Wrong paintbrush. Wrong reverb. Wrong angle....yet that can be so right, at another time. To that point, i'm going to resurrect the imangitive creativity we once oozed, not for anyone else to feel like we are rising from the dead, but more so, that it's mere presence can ressurect a certain self, we may feel, has another life. Don't chase the egg this weekend, just finish your breakfuss. (Or don't cry about the runny yolk)! Happy Easter, O

Tale of Two Personas

Hey young World, Life has been interesting....to say the least, although I'm sure we can all say the same from our individual perspectives. For me, it's been a tale of two personas: which either sounds crazy or mysterious. On the one hand, Feez is finagling with the finality of fading to black. On the other, Omar is befuddled with the burden of the the bourgening presence he has to have on life for the first time in quite a while. It's both tittilating and terrifying...kind of like sex for the first time: You want to be good and stand out, but not fuck shit up and make things worse. All in all, I'm enjoying the transition...it's making me deal with life in a way that I haven't truly confronted in a meaningful way. That contrast of Egos has subtly highlighted the dichotomy of my adult life: is what you see what you get? Or is there a deeper soul behind the brash bravado? Not being able to hide behind the shield of Feez, has made Omar both more of himself, as well as more unsure of who he is....which as one typing all this makes me ask, who am I? Nonetheless, Omar is becoming more sure of his ability to function, communicate, socialize, and be himself without the need for Feez. (By Feez, the need to drink alcohol to feel comfortable expressing himself openly.) He's making strides, but in the vein of a man who woke up from a coma and is trying to figure out which life task to tackle first, and more importantly, how to tackle that challenge. He's motivated, sure, but motivation without a plan is just a undirected purpose. He's talking to his daughter more, and that has helped his psyche. The irony of it all, is his inability to deal with his sociological impediments led to Feez, and while he accepts that, he struggles with bearing the burden of being what he felt he needed Feez for. As far as Feez, he's taken well to not being able to Feez. He doesn't bother Omar with requests to have a night to drink, or to gain attention for what he once was as often. In my opinion, Feez is finally understanding that he'll always have a history, and that his legacy is tied to what Omar does moving forward. It is as if he is at peace with what he meant to Omar, and he just wanted that acknowledgment. Ironically, it's so not like Feez to show that level of understanding and perspective. As far as me (who am I?), I'm finally at a good space regarding navigating these two. They were never 2 sides of the same coin; Omar's shyness and social awkwardness led him to rely on drugs and alcohol, which led him to develop a personality he called Feez. And, for a while they were able to maintain a life because their interests were aligned; college was a blast for the 2 (although every woman Omar dated called him; "moody", "like 2 different people", and, my personal favorite, "an improve actor who never ends the scene".) For what it's worth, I'm aptly positive about how things are going, and to that point, want to commend both Omar and Feez. They both recognize the power in the present, while remaining presently aware of each individual impact to the collective. I expect this to synergize even further, as the age of Omar is the one constant both seem to remain aware of. (What's the saying? Time heals all wounds?) In my desire to manage these two personas, I created myself, to maintain a certain autonomy of egos, while managing synergy of like-minded people, places, and things impacted by having a dual-mind. Omar is too lazy, stubborn, and lackadasical to that; Feez is too impulsive, eager, and selifish to be trusted with that task as well. In closing, the transtion is going well. I just have to come up with a name for myself. Hmmm?

Journaling for Me

Oh, God. It's been a minute. I don't even type the same, Mavis Beacon seems ages ago. But, a good friend told me I should journal. I told him I don't write...but then i remembered this space, and appreciatively agreed. In alot of ways, you're the same Omar who started this Blogger, before AGI was a threat blossoming on the digital horizion...hell, before clout was a currency. Why are you the same? Figuring that out...but in the year of our Lore 2024, I'm glad this space still exists (thought I'm not surprised). I"m the same nicca that made great babies, memories, content, friends and catch-phrases (respectfully). Plan to continue to be great, no matter whom it may concern.