Been ghost for a spell...just reflecting.
I've been an alcoholic for awhile now. Most of the time I've denied it. Felt I was in control...that I was "functioning".
All the while, my downward spiral was growing, to the point that I was losing everything that I should have felt was important:
My Friendships
My Family
My Job(s)
My Freedom
My daughter
Myself.
Chaos became routine. Recklessness a way of life. Responsibility an after-thought.
So voluntarily (somewhat) I'm stepping back from everything and taking as much time as I need to confront my demons and focus on getting healthy.
I'll admit, it's a bit scary. When your life has been consumed with living a certain way it's hard to fathom an approach that is a complete 180 from the mindset you've had for YEARS. But the costs of depending on alcohol and drugs the majority of the time just to live day-to-day have become toooooooo much of a burden.
It's going to be a struggle, a battle, a conflict of epic proportions. But whatever it takes to regain control is worth any sacrifice.
I'm disappointed that I allowed myself to even get to this point. But it's time to take things serious and get the proverbial monkey off of my back while I still can.
I thank God for His grace and mercy, and am wholly glad that in spite of all the ridiculous situations I've put myself in, I'm still alive and able to commit myself to bettering myself. I could have been dead a long time ago all for the sake of something inconsequential. Time to do better.
To those in my life who have been along for the ride, I'm glad to have you in my life, and I know I'll need the support while I'm rebuilding my foundation.
To those I've lost...it happened for a reason. Thanks for the experience.
And to the "life" I'm leaving behind, I can't lie, I enjoyed your company...I've had moments and memories of uniquely crazy fun that will last a lifetime.
I don't know what the future holds...but I can say that finally, the days of living like a Rockstar are over.
Sobriety used to be an insane and profane word to me.
Now it's gotta become a way of life.
Let's have a toast for the assholes,
O
